Get Your Freak On Friday!

It's Friday again already? I'm surprised we're all still alive after an epic week of RobPr0n--again. Dude, this is ridiculous. This is panty terrorism at its worst. Are you trying to kill people? Srsly. Let's take a peek at some of the Vanity Fair loveliness, shall we?

"Hi, um...I'm ABG and I'm VF's official flosser. I see you're eating
corn. Let me help you get cleaned up. What's that? Yes, I realize
I'm not actually using floss but I've found that my tongue is much
more effective..."

Ahem. Moving on...

"Can I get under that blanket with you? I'm freezing.

Yes, I know being nude doesn't help. Don't question 

me, young man."

And lastly...

"Look at you in pajamas, all adorable and...
English-y! Makes me wanna knit you a 'jumper'
and make you tea for 'elevensies.' Did I mention
my fondness for parka peen? TMI? Sorry, my
good chap. Pip, pip and cheerio!"*

Alrighty, don't know about you, but I'm ready to get my freak on! So here's my GYFOF rec of the week...

Work in Progress

by araeo

Work in Progress is an hilarious fic with lemons that make you forget your first name. Bella is delightfully snarky, lively and lovable. Edward has a few demons from his past but Bella coaxes out the best in him. The supporting characters, however, really steal the show. Emmett is a professional wrestler who eats his body weight in Brazilian barbecue (Bella calls him 'Meat Sweats,' come on, how can you not laugh at that?) Jacob is a pothead who hides his giant bong in Bella's apartment. And last but not least are the two sidekicks who we never actually see: Bella's talking ovaries. I simply adore this story, especially the lemons that make me break into a sweat myself.

The summary:

Bella, Edward and the usual suspects are adults living in Seattle. They hit it off after a klutzy accident and E awakens B's ovaries, who never hesitate to voice their pervy opinion in B's head. Rated M for language and lemons. AU/AH. Bella and Edward.

So there you have it...more Robaliciousness, lemons and sweating. Sounds like my typical Saturday night, at home alone with only some Two Buck Chuck to keep me company.

*Before all my English friends decide they now hate me, they should know that I'm being an idiot. I realize Brits don't actually talk like characters from Mary Poppins. (Only Rob does when I fantasize about him.) I was however, married to an Englishman briefly. Longest five minutes of my life. I kid! So yeah, I dig you people for real. And your parka peens.

Get Your Freak On Friday!

Are you ready party people? Cos I know I need to get my freak on. After the New Moon kiss footage, looped mp3's of said kissing smacks and groaning noises (thank you CherryCella for providing the world a soundtrack to every lemon ever written--a bit of brilliance on your part!) and HQ stills of the NM kiss...I think we're all in agreement that the word of the day is CUMSPLOSION and what better way to celebrate the spirit of your exploding lady bits than by enjoying some humorous lemonade?

My rec for this week is for a story that has the perfect balance of UST, romance, snark, angst and a wee bit of taboo. Just a teeny smidge, if you will, but it's all good because it would be a boring world indeed if things weren't a little on the naughty side...so with that, I present to you...

Age of Consent: My Summer as a Legal Intern

by LittleSecret84

Bella and Edward have a really interesting dynamic here. He's ten years her senior with that much more life experience, yet she's someone who's extremely mature for her age--the type with an "old soul" who's also bright and perceptive beyond her years. Now, to add to this is Edward's somewhat stunted emotional maturity for a man of 26. What that comparative imbalance in them as individual people creates is a really clever level-playing field for them as a couple. The characterization here and how carefully it's been crafted really does demonstrate that sometimes, age really is just a number.

Now for the good part: the lemons in this thing? Yeah. Insane. The UST between these two--created by the dillemma circumstances place them--her age, his job status as her boss, etc., make the taboo and the effort to resist the taboo element of the story approximately eleventy gajillion times hotter than your average lemon when these two finally do give in to their mutual attraction.

 

Here's the summary:

 

Bella is almost 17 and begins an internship at the Clallam County District Court one summer. She's infatuated with her boss, Edward, a 26 year old attorney who drives her to and from work. The tension is there on Day 1, let's see where it will take them. Rated M. Bella/Edward.

 
Enjoy!

Get Your Freak On Friday!

TGIF, party people! Here's my lemonrific rom/com rec for today...

The Acclimation Diaries

by booboo.kitty2.0

This is an AU story with Vampward and human Bella trying to figure out how to have an intimate relationship without Edward being such a wuss and Bella being sent to the emergency room. The lemons are unbelievably hot and the sexy humor is just plain win. At the start of this little 'acclimation project,' Edward destroys one of Esme's couches while getting his first ever...chicken choking from Bella. The funniest part of this story, however, is the thoughts Edward gets bombarded with from his vamp family. I won't spoil it, but trust, it is ridiculously funny. And did I mention the lemons were off the chain? Oh and it's complete for you poorly trained h00rz who cannot wait for your release!

Here's the summary:


All told from EPOV, The Acclimation Diaries chronicles Edward’s struggles with learning control and taking things one step at a time as he acclimates to Bella sexually in preparation of their impending wedding night. Can he keep his desire in check or will his snap? Rated M. Bella/Edward.


Congrats, BooBoo--you've been cockslapped.


Have a great weekend everyone. Oh, and a BIG thank you to Julie from twilol.com for spiffing the place up for me. Is she amazing or what? This blog looks so presentable, I almost feel like I don't belong here! I love you Julie, thank you.

New Stuff!

ZOMGROBPR0N!

I would be remiss if I didn't give props to where props are due. Nothing feeds the horn dog lemon writer within like some good ole Rob ogling. Today was a banner day for RobPr0n. Women gasped. Angels wept. Shamwow manufacturers did the Meepos Dance of Joy.

Oh so pretty. Teh Pretteh is soooo pretty, yes?

So there I am, thinking, wow, this is inspiring cos that Smirky McSmirkles look + treasure trail + fingerpr0n is enough to get me going, right? Oh no. It's gets hotter. Crazier. Shamwow-ier.

I.AM.DIED. Tell my children I love them. Mommy's in a better place now.

You, Mr. Pattinson, are no shy, nerdy, 'I'd sooner stay in and read a book' geeky type, my friend. You are the Ted Kaczynski of clean panties, decent morals, and female self-control. And I love you for it. Oh yes, Mama likey. Cos FingerPr0n + VeinPr0n + Treasure Trail = Holy Trifecta of Hawt.

So, without further ado, allow me to introduce a new segment to the blog. It's something I stole from my friend Shandra called...

Get Your Freak On Friday!

Every Friday, I'll rec or pass on a rec for a fic that is DRRRRRTY. It's still got humor but yeah, whatever, who cares. Cos them lemons be BURSTIN' with freshness, yo.

The first ever rec for GYFOF goes to...

HIS PERSONAL ASSISTANT

by the very talented NorthernLights17

Description: Bella Swan, personal Assistant to handsome, rich, successful Edward Cullen, decides to take her friends advice and make her oblivious boss fall in love with her. AU/AH. Rated M. B/E.

I can't say enough good things about this fic, honestly. When the first paragraph is a lemon that makes you instinctively cross your legs, yeah. That's the shit right there, babies.

*blogger's note* Big up's to my girl Tonya for introducing me to the wonders of Shamwow'isms.